Who Killed My Mother?

The last few months has been a roller coaster for me. I started on Medium a few months ago with the thought of writing about my online ventures but as life would have it, shit happens as they say. My mother died this year in June and it was one of the hardest times of my life I have ever experienced. I’m 55 and my mother was 90. Yeah 90 so many would say her days were numbered.

However the circumstances and events and bad decisions made caused our mother to die. You see our mother was a very strong woman who spoke her mind and ordered us around like many mums do. I myself lived about 6 hours away, just under 300 miles so we weren’t just down the road. My brother whom shall remain nameless was mums Power of Attorney.

The real story really begins years ago but I will start at the end and make my way back in time. So it’s about a week before mums death and my brothers ringing me up. He’s saying “listen to mum” as he walks into mums makeshift room at his house where I can hear my mother moaning, crying like she’s in pain. I could tell just by her tone that she was in pain “ oooohhh, oooohhh” just the thought of it makes me cry. My wife who could hear her became distressed and started crying “O my God, she’s in pain.” My wife is a caregiver so she knows what pain sounds like.

“Hey bro, mums in pain. She needs a doctor” I exclaimed in a pretty shocked way as I was like ‘whats going on, help our mother!’

“Nah she’s alright” my brother sez calmly like it was nothing. “Just gotta give her her pain killers” but of course you can just tell by the helplessness in her tone that somethings not right.

“Bro” I said, “can’t you hear her? Shes in pain. She needs an ambulance. NOW.” Still the resistance came and no action. This carried on for several minutes followed by a big lecture from my older brother about “you don’t know what it’s like, we’re looking after her, not you, we know what she needs, your not here.” All I could say is “Call a F@#!en ambulance” at least 10 times. I was yelling down the phone.

His wife speaks up “we’re taking her to the Doctors on Monday” This was on a Friday. I don’t know if they ever did take her to the doctors, what I do know is they should have taken her when she was so obviously in pain but failed to do so. The next thing was on the following Saturday, 8 days later I get the call “mums in hospital, she’s not expected to make it thru the night.” It was like a kick in the teeth as we were actually at my wife’s brothers funeral who had just passed away a few days before. Talk about a double-whammy.

So we get in the car and start the 6 hour journey to the hospital to possibly see our mother for possibly the last time. All the way we tried to remain positive and were eager to get to the hospital. We arrive, spent about 30 minutes just trying to get a park which was ridiculous. As we walk in the room we see 10 of our cousins in the room, my brother, his wife and our mum lying there in bed sleeping. I walk in with a smile on my face, “hi mum” and as I approach the bed my brother says, “mums gone bro. She died about 45 minutes ago.”

Suddenly the world just stopped and I broke down. My brother came over and gave me a hug. Mum was gone and I was too late. After about half an hour everyone had left and it was me, my brother and our wives. My wife left the room and my brothers wife looks at me and says, “do you forgive me?”

I look at her and I say “what for?”

She looks at me with a worried look and states “we should have listened to you and called an ambulance.” I was in shock. I couldn’t believe she had just asked me to forgive her because they failed to do the one thing that could have saved her. Phone an ambulance. How could they do that? I wish she hadn’t have said that because the memory will be with me forever.

I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing. Next thing I knew the cleaners who come to clean the deceased arrive and ask if they can do their job or if we would like to have more time with our mother. My brother say’s “yes you can do your job”.

His wife then asks, “is it ok if we stay to watch?” She looks at me and says “I’ll have to do this for your brother when he dies.” Theres a slight pause then she says “or he might have to do it for me?”

I just got up and said “I ain’t watching” and I walked out of the room. I couldn’t believe what they were doing. It’s like our mother was nothing more than a circus sideshow to them. Never in all my life have I witnessed this type of behaviour. Their are families that will do the cleaning themselves, not very often but this was nothing more than a spectacle it seemed. All her dignity had been taken away. So much for respect. The rest of that night was like a bad dream. It’s hard to imagine how one feels until it actually happens.

I wished so hard that I had been there for our mum but there was nothing I could do. So what next? Over the next few days I will tell you about the events that took place before this fateful day and the ever unfolding aftermath. The lies, the deceit, unsubstantiated claims showing how my brother is trying to claim the house as his and how they claim our mother wanted to leave the house for the grand children, not the three sons as is in the will. This is a true story that started years ago and is still going. It’s like a never ending story but unlike fantasy, this is all real. I hope you come back for the next chapter as I continue writing this, it’s going to be like a diary so to speak, partly in the past and the present.